Friday, April 13, 2012
A Story From a Future Dentist - part 8
I don’t know from where to start. Memories are like pictures. You may not like every piece of them but it will always be a part of your life. Right now I am feeling the heat of confusion and indecision. Life has already showed its various colors. So, it always gets on my nerve as I never got myself in a decisive situation. I always get myself into a situation from where it gets pretty difficult to make a decision. April 20, 2006; a week of joy and happiness in my country. 14th April is the day of celebrating Bengali New year. It’s like celebrating English New year. The whole country gets into a festive mood. Although, I was not really in that mood as I was living in a nutshell from where nothing could sense. Every day was passing by, and I was in the same mood. There was not any significant stuff I used to do as nothing was interesting for me. You may feel that, I was reacting way too much negative. At times, you can change your mood within a split of seconds. But, there are some moments you couldn’t change by doing everything that would be possible at that particular time. Amazing stuff, isn’t it?
What actually life indicates when you are living your life in a shell? It indicates you are not living life according to the way it should be. Life is not about getting your moral down for significant period of time. But, who cares? Who can even control emotion? I guess no one. We are human, and it should be the answer of that particular question. At times, we get overjoyed, at times way too low, at times way to introvert. We can never control our emotion in the way it should be. It can’t be judged as human errors. It is part of human nature, and we people can’t accept this significant fact. The problem we face is the acceptability. We certainly have a great tendency of poking our nose on others life. We can’t accept other happiness when we are in a bad mood. Is it just jealousy or something else? I don’t know as I never got any answer from this sort of question.
A week after Bengali New Year, I had to meet with one of my friend. I didn’t want to do that, but she was furious in a way as I didn’t meet with her for like several months. The reason of not meeting her is not only about my current situation. It was also about my depression. It was killing me inside. And it was not only her, I had not met any of my friend for a long time. I didn’t know how to get rid of this germ shell from my brain cell. Why I was in depression and how did it happen? It did come on my mind from nowhere and it was getting more stable as the time was passing by. Why I was digging myself into more depression? Didn’t have any idea at all. But, I knew pretty well that, it continued for next few days, I would be in hell. It didn’t let me to do anything. It was killing my morals.
The most funny thing was everyone’s assumption on me. Most of them thought I was really happy with what happened a few days back. They were assuming that, I was in a great mood for the admission I took in the dental college. For them, it was a pride and great achievement. But, no one even bothered on how it felt on me. No one asked whether I did enjoy doing that or not. Why it always happens with me? Or it just like that for all of you? May be or may be not..